He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
