The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
