In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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