im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
