i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
