***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
