thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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