try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
