she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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