Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
