Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
