I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just high enough for therapy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I want a musical about memes.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
