Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
