God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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