There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize