not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
