I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
