The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
