did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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