So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
