Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
