I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
