It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
