You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
