he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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