I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
