Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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