so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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