he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
