I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
