she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
