cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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