omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
