Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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