At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
