I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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