I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
