I have demons in me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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