Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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