I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
