I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
