My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
