Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The adults are the big ones right?
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