we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
