yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
