You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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