Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You can't special order awesome
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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