I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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