I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
