he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
