My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
