I smell stomach acid.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
