Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
