I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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