Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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