Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
