She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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