I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
