My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
