I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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