I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
