considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
