The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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