I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You are the jesus of drinking
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize