apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
