Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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