Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
