Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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