What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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