Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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