this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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