did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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