I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
