So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
