They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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