only you would photoshop your dick
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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