Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
