Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
