Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
