She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize