she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
