I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
