omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
