Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
