just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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