I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
That's when you crack a 10am beer
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
