Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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