For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
