Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
